Led by national charity, Hospice UK, it aims to bring attention to the importance of talking about death and planning for the end of life. The week sees hospices, charities, care organisations, the Church and various community groups come together to help foster a more supportive environment around these significant discussions, reducing fear and anxiety about death.
One of the charities on a mission to change the culture of bereavement is AtaLoss. Founded by The Revd Canon Yvonne Tulloch – formerly Bishop’s Officer for Clergy Bereavement for Southwark Diocese. It was established as a charity in 2016, to ensure that no one in the UK should be left without support when someone dies.
In this blog read about how the charity has helped to equip St Matthew, Surbiton to offer bereavement support to its church community.
Susan Kang, Commissioned Pastoral Lay Minister St Matthew, Surbiton writes:
We have been running ‘The Bereavement Journey’ twice a year since 2019 and will began our ninth course in April 2025. The course material, provided by AtaLoss, is run over seven sessions and consists of a series of films and group discussions, supported by a participant manual. The course guides the bereaved person through the most common aspects of grief and bereavement. We are all different and our bereavement journey will be unique to us but there are similar patterns, and the participants find that much of what comes up in the talks and the group discussions will resonate with their own experiences.
The sessions provide a safe space for the participants to share their thoughts and experiences and explore their loss. They take time to understand where they are on their journey and what is going on for them. The course does not offer to take away the pain of grief but it provides the tools to find ways of coping so that the participants can eventually move forward and rebuild their lives.
The course has proved to be very helpful and effective, and participants have found that the talks have given them insight into their bereavement. After completing the course, almost all our participants have said that the group discussions were particularly helpful. Being able to speak openly and honestly about their feelings and know that others understand because they are going through a similar experience has meant that they no longer feel alone and isolated. Many feel hopeful that in time they will reach the stage where they can look forward to a “new normal”.
The Bereavement Journey has no faith content in the first six sessions, so that it can be accessible to everyone. There is an optional seventh session on faith questions relating to bereavement from a Christian perspective. Most of our participants are not people of faith but many opt to attend this session. We are encouraged that as a result; some have expressed a desire to explore more about Christianity and have found faith by attending an Alpha course or Christianity Explored.
We have a pastoral team who have received bereavement support training. Loss and Hope provides additional specific training for The Bereavement Journey team.
After our first course of The Bereavement Journey, it was clear that those who attended needed further group support. We run a monthly Bereavement Walking Group and a monthly Bereavement Café to which any bereaved person in the community is welcome to attend. Attendees can come and go as they wish. The Bereavement Café sessions begin with general socialising and refreshments, followed by an allocated time during which there is an opportunity for anyone who wishes, to share their experiences and difficulties with the others. Our members really value this time as they can be who they are, talk about their feelings knowing they are understood and supported by the others. Following this part of the meeting, the members stay on for general socialising and refreshments for as long as they wish. The group is inclusive and welcomes newcomers with no cliques forming. Many attendees say that they no longer feel alone and are more confident about their future. Many have described the group as a lifeline.
The Bereavement Café may not suit everyone. Not everyone wants to or is able to talk about their loss. The Bereavement Walking group has proved to be popular and is appreciated by those who prefer a ‘gentler’ kind of group experience. Group members meet and walk around a local park. Afterwards they head off to a café for refreshments. Their conversations are more general and social, but attendees find reassurance that they are in the company of others who have also been bereaved.
Individual bereavement support is offered to those in our church family or to those where the funeral has been taken by a member of our clergy.
As we work on being a Bereavement Friendly Church, we mark important dates in the year which bereaved people may find especially difficult. Our annual service of Remembering and Thanking is held on the first Sunday evening of November and anyone who has lost a loved one, either recently or from long ago is welcome to attend. On 21 December last year (the longest night) we held a Blue Christmas service for anyone who for whatever reason was finding the Christmas season a particularly difficult and sad time. Many of those who came expressed their appreciation that their sadness was acknowledged.
We marked The National Day of Reflection in March, which is a day to remember those who died during the Covid-19 pandemic, with time given during our morning service for special prayers and the opportunity to light a candle in memory of a loved one.
On Mothering Sunday, there was prayer for the mothers that we no longer see, followed by the invitation to ‘give back’ the flowers that we had received earlier and put them in a vase on the altar.
Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences anyone can face. It is important that people do not face bereavement alone but have the support and company of others to work towards a better future.
