‘People must do something’ is the cry at the heart of a powerful documentary exploring how churches respond to domestic abuse. One in four women will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime, and research indicates that church is not a protective factor – statistics mirror society as a whole. Women make up at least half of the church congregation, if not more, but often survivors can feel they cannot speak of their abuse in their church communities. Our event was a small attempt to try to change that.
The film, by Yellow Box Theatre company, takes on the culture and teaching of Christian faith communities, and the way they can be both positive and harmful. It challenges churches to think about who has power, and whether all voices are welcomed and heard. It argues that churches with women in leadership will be safer for women and girls as they will help to create a culture in which women’s experiences are taken seriously. The theology of forgiveness is also discussed, and it warns against moving towards forgiveness prematurely, before a survivor is no longer at risk, and acknowledges that forgiveness may not always be possible.
Spiritual abuse is a relatively new understanding of the abuse of power in faith communities. It can be reinforced by beliefs that those in authority have been called and appointed by God, lending them even more power and mystery. Spiritual abuse can take different forms, such as in the misuse of scripture, the censorship of different opinions, blurred boundaries and unclear accountability, or in coercing people to commit more than they are really able to manage. These pressures can further erode a woman’s sense of agency and freedom.
The film also powerfully describes how women of colour have borne a historical burden of being silenced and of suffering trauma. To this day, women of global majority heritage quite understandably struggle to trust institutions with their stories and experiences. The film calls for churches to be places where all people are valued and have a respected voice. Churches can be places of healing and the film seeks to equip churches to respond well. Many clergy and those in lay leadership will have undertaken Domestic Abuse Safeguarding training, but perhaps there needs to be a wider conversation both in churches and at Diocesan level to embed good practice. The charity ‘Restored’ offers training to enable churches to be places of safety for survivors, and they offer the option to register on their website as a ‘Restored Beacon’.
Bekah Legg described what it means to be ‘the opposite of abusive’. She encouraged non-judgemental listening; not seeking to advise or take control, but to accompany a survivor, offering friendship and practical support. Survivors often take many years before they feel able to leave, and they may leave and return several times before making a final break. This might be frustrating for those walking alongside them, but survivors must be free to make their own choices in a supportive community without additional pressure.
Bekah encouraged all churches to foster a healthy culture in which survivors can feel safe to speak out. Often survivors can feel isolated or ashamed that their family life doesn’t live up to the perfect impression of those around them. She encouraged church leaders to set the tone by speaking openly about domestic abuse, it ought not to be a taboo. Churches can do simple things, like put posters on the back of toilet doors to signpost appropriate support.
Along with Bekah and 25 of our congregation, we were delighted to be joined by Bishop Alastair Cutting, Revd Liz Newman, Woolwich Dean of Women’s Ministry, and other colleagues. Ruth Allier-Dugdale and Natasha Stiven joined us from the Yellow Box Theatre company and were excited to support a screening in the community.
How can churches take this forward?
Mary Dawson, Parish Safeguarding Officer at St John’s says, “Here at St John’s we hope to continue the conversation and develop our awareness and skills, in order to be a place where all people feel they have a voice. We want to be truly safe place for survivors to speak out, and be confident that we will respond compassionately and well.”
The title ‘People Must Do Something’ is biblical; Judges 19 is the horrific story of a woman abandoned by her partner, assaulted and murdered, and whose body is dismembered and distributed to the twelve tribes of Israel. In horror, the people cry out, ‘We must do something. Speak up!’ Often women’s stories in scripture are left out of lectionaries and sermons; a further silencing of their voices. Perhaps the film bearing this name can be one part of the transformation our churches need?
Further resources:
People Must Do Something: https://youtu.be/UXbG_E9DFS4?si=zkQ3WLQvh1THkT8r
Southwark Diocesan Guidance: A Safe Church, Domestic Abuse: section 6:33-44, refers to national Church of England guidance: Responding Well to Domestic Abuse
Restored: https://www.restored-uk.org/
Yellow Box Theatre Company: https://www.theyellowboxtheatre.co.uk/
Solace: https://www.solacewomensaid.org/
Refuge: https://refuge.org.uk/
National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247 (free phone, available 24/7)
Respect men’s advice line: https://www.respect.org.uk/pages/men-s-advice-line
This blog was written by Revd Gill O’Neill, Vicar, St John the Evangelist, Area Director of Ordinands
