A reflection on building community through Messy Church by Michelle Mendoza, Messy Church leader at St Mary the Virgin in Welling.
I took over the running of Messy Church at St Mary the Virgin, Welling in December 2024. It was already a well-established and much-loved ministry under its previous excellent leadership, but numbers had naturally dwindled over time as many of the children grew up and moved on to secondary school.
I found myself in a unique position to help rebuild those connections. My young daughter had attended three different local primary schools between nursery and the end of Reception, which meant I already knew families across several school communities. We also had existing links through church and local friendships. As a result, children now attend from four different local primary schools, and our Messy Church has continued to grow through word of mouth, with families regularly asking if they can bring friends and relatives along. We now have fifteen families attending regularly, with around thirty children between them.
From the beginning, my vision was to create a place where families could explore faith together in a relaxed, welcoming environment. Over time, it has become so much more than a monthly event. It has become a genuine community where friendships have formed, children have grown in confidence, and families who might never have crossed the threshold of a traditional Sunday service now feel that church is somewhere they truly belong.
Creating a welcoming space for neurodiverse children has always been particularly important to me. For some families, a traditional church environment can feel overwhelming or leave them wondering whether they will be accepted. We wanted Messy Church to communicate from the moment families arrived that everyone belongs. All activities are optional, quieter alternatives are always available, and every session begins with free play. A large LEGO station and drawing area provide a familiar, calming activity for children who need time to settle before joining in. Whether a child takes part in every activity, prefers to observe, or returns to the same craft several times, they are welcomed exactly as they are.
I have always loved the rhythm of the Church year, inspired by my own memories of attending a Church of England primary school. Following the Christian calendar gives our sessions a natural structure, helping children discover the richness of the Church’s seasons and festivals. We begin each year with Epiphany and journey through St Valentine’s Day, Lent, Easter, Pentecost, Harvest, Martinmas and finally Advent and Christmas.
Each session follows a familiar pattern. We begin with free play before sharing a hot meal together, lovingly prepared by our wonderful volunteers. We then gather for worship, led by Revd Neil, with songs, storytelling and prayer, before finishing with themed crafts and activities.
Some of our most memorable creations have included flame headbands for Pentecost, Easter doughnut tombs, Resurrection Eggs, and camel pencil pots to accompany the story of the Wise Men at Epiphany – as well as Wise Man Hunt where I roped in three volunteers from the wider church community to play the parts of Balthasar, Caspar and Melchior. They were hidden around the church building in three separate areas. The children were divided into teams to try and find them. When each ‘king’ was found they told the children about the meaning behind their gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh and presented them with a keepsake charm for a keyring to remind them of the gift of Jesus.
One of the things I am most proud of is how the wider church family has embraced Messy Church, even if they do not attend the sessions themselves. After every event I share photographs on our church WhatsApp group so that everyone can celebrate what God is doing through this ministry. Members of the congregation regularly donate craft materials, from cardboard tubes for our camel pencil pots to empty egg boxes that became Resurrection Egg sets for every family to take home and use year after year. At Christmas, generous donations also enabled Father Christmas to give every child a Christian storybook, helping families continue exploring the Christmas story together at home.
None of this would be possible without our small but dedicated team of volunteers. Each person brings different gifts, whether preparing food, organising crafts, setting up, welcoming families, taking registration or simply sharing a cup of tea and conversation with parents. Those conversations often become just as important as the activities themselves, helping parents feel supported and children feel known, valued and loved.
Messy Church at St Mary’s continues to remind me that church is not simply a place we attend but a community we build together. Through creativity, hospitality and a willingness to meet families where they are, we have seen lives touched by God’s love in ways that often begin with something as simple as glue, glitter and a shared meal.
If you would like to explore how to set up a Messy Church or if you would like to discuss training and resources available to further develop your children, young people and families ministry, the Children and Young People team would love to meet with you. Click here to book a meeting.
